Think of one significant memory that you really wish you could go back and change. That’s where it all starts. \Most people have at least one monumental regret in which they believe they’ve made a terrible mistake. They also believe that if they had done things differently then everything would’ve turned out peachy-keen. This is never true. It’s kind of funny and pretty ironic how most people will have a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress regarding the future but when they look back upon a certain event or situation in which they feel they made a mistake, everything would’ve turned out perfectly fine if only they did… blank. The ego likes to trap you like that, making you believe that if you had done something differently life would’ve been a dream but in the very same breath there’s no way it’ll turn out fine moving forward from this moment on. That’s some bull-ass-shit. When a toddler is learning to walk and it stumbles and falls down, did she make a mistake or could she have done something different to be better at walking? The answer is always the same, “of course they didn’t make a mistake, they’re just learning.” Yet when you look back at your past you don’t give yourself the same grace. You were supposed to have it all figured out even though you never experienced that situation before, and if you knew then what you know now, you probably would’ve done things differently. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
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Give yourself a break, you’re doing really good and life is pretty damn challenging at times. So think back again about that past mistake, and realize you don’t even need to forgive yourself – because that would mean you did something wrong. And since you didn’t make a mistake, since you were just learning and trying to figure things out as best you could given the circumstance and the available resources, forgiveness is merely another ego trap with slightly less blame and regret. Do you want to know the ultimate perspective for moving on from your past? Be grateful for who you were in your past and everything you did. Realize you were just doing the best you could and beyond that, love that person for the struggles they endured to get you to where you now stand. They need to feel that love. This is very powerful stuff and has led to a tremendous shift for so many. I haven’t met a client yet who hasn’t come to a place of self-love for what they once thought was a very big mistake. Replacing regret, shame, and guilt with love has helped them create a life of true happiness. I’m grateful for you. Joe Hehn
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