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You May Be Ruining Your Relationships

Lately I’ve had a bit of what I call, opportunity for growth, regarding some of my personal relationships. A lot of people see relationships as this unchanging thing - something that is a benefit to your life and it’s just there to say. I see relationships like finding the balance on the scales of justice, but rather that perfect balance is found on the scales of value. And here's the one and only question I ask myself when those scales begin tipping unfavorably. “Am I up upset with them for something they DID do or because of something they did NOT do?” For instance, you’re in a relationship with your significant other and you get pretty upset when they forget to text you before falling asleep for the night. This is something they did not do, so actually the problem is with YOU and not them. You have expectations for them to act in a way that they don’t typically act. You’re looking outside of what is real and wishing that your expectations were part of that reality. Good thing the solution to this is easy, or rather taking the first step towards the solution is easy. You’ll have to communicate with them so that they know it would mean a lot to receive that nightly text. We need to openly express to the other person when we desire them to do something which would make us happy. A lot of people in these situations just don’t know that a little extra effort would make a big difference. At the end of the day they’re happy to do it. And if they value the relationship enough, they’ll find a way to make you happy or come to some kind of compromise. But here’s the flip-side of that coin - when we find ourselves upset because of something the other person IS doing.

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Let’s say every time you’re out to dinner your best friends says, “Try not to order too much food and embarrass me again.” This statement would obviously be upsetting and rightfully so. Here the other person’s actions, something they ARE doing, are hurtful to you. Easy part here is the first step is always communication. You need to express that whatever it is they are doing, makes you uncomfortable or upset. From there we can ask them to stop doing whatever it is that made you upset or set some healthy boundaries like not going out to dinner with them anymore. And again, if the relationship is important to them they'll do what it takes to make you happy or find some kind of compromise. The reason I’m sharing all this is because it’s sometimes hard to figure out if you're placing expectation on a relationship or if the other person is falling short. If you need a little bit more help with establishing healthy boundaries or how to decide if it's time to move on from a relationship, then a 1 on 1 consult call may be the solution. In a matter of minutes I'll have you feeling confident, lighter, empowered & proud that you're fighting for yourself! (And you'll know exactly how to do this and what to say!) Please share this email with a friend who may need it! I'm grateful for you. Joe Hehn

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