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If You’re in a Relationship, Doing This ONE Thing Will Destroy It.

I was finishing up the dishes the other day when this thought popped into my mind, “I'm glad I did the dishes for Suzy, she’ll be happy.”

I nodded my head in satisfaction thinking I’d tell her she doesn't have to worry about doing the dishes. See we have a newborn, and so we’re constantly swapping chores and doing what we can when we can. You never really ‘catch up’ with getting EVERYTHING done because there’s always something waiting to be attended to. It's like doing laundry; you can sit back with your arms crossed and feel accomplished then realize the clothes you’re wearing need to be washed too.

But something in me felt unsettled with the way I phrased that thought; “I'm glad I did the dishes FOR Suzy…”

Was I really doing the dishes for her? There were definitely dishes in the sink that she used, but there were dishes in the sink that I used too – and of course a hundred and fifty baby bottle parts. She does the dishes all the time, so I asked myself why I phrased the question like I was doing her some kind of favor.

Like tipping over a domino, I began sifting through all the other completed household chores and noticed that same check mark of accomplishment; “I got this done for Suzy.”

And that’s when I noticed a subconscious seed of destruction.

I was keeping track – and subconsciously all these little things were adding up. So if I was keeping track, then I was tallying these things up, which meant I was keeping score, which then meant I was in a competition. This ultimately meant that over time, I was molding the dynamic of our relationship into a competitive, rather than a loving one.

I could see myself using my future score to justify my worth during an argument. Or I’d justify Suzy’s lack of worth because something she did, or more likely didn’t do, which fell short of my expectations. Intentionally or not, I realized this kind of mindset was a cancer which given enough time, would ultimately destroy our loving relationship.

The first thing I did when I noticed this thought was ruminate over what it truly meant to phrase something as if I'm doing a favor for my partner. Then I congratulated myself for making the connection. This is a vital step for reprogramming your mind and elevating your awareness.

After that I established how I alone benefited from the experience or “favor.” Doing dishes meant I ended up with clean dishes and it gave me some time to practice peaceful awareness. Then I decided that not only was doing the dishes an act in which I alone benefitted, but that EVERYTHING I do is solely for my benefit – and not another’s.

Next thing I did was allow myself to appreciate the experience (of doing dishes for example) and acknowledge as well as honor it by saying, “thank you.” This is powerful stuff here, at its core it's mindfulness and as a byproduct it manifests future abundance into your life.

Psst: If you’re interested in learning more about the power of Gratitude and how Manifestation can Change your Life, good thing for you that I just launched a FREE course!

Register for it here:

I do the laundry, well then I’m rewarding myself with clean clothes. I’m grateful for that.

I help a friend move, well I’m never gonna do that again because I’m too old for that shit. I’m grateful for not having to do that.

I buy Suzy a gift, well then I’m rewarding myself with the experience of her receiving a gift as well as my enjoyment for giving it. I’m grateful for that.

When we stop doing things for others and cherish the experience solely for our own gain, we stop taking score and life becomes a lot prettier. We’re actually enjoying the game instead of mindlessly trying to win the whole time.

If you’re ready to make that mental shift here are the steps:

Becoming a Selfish Giver

Step 1: Realize you’re thinking and believing that you’re doing something for someone else.

Step 2: Congratulate yourself for making the connection and take a moment to dwell in this achievement.

Step 3: Establish a reason(s) why this experience actually benefits you instead of another.

Step 4: Marinate in the gratitude that you get to reward yourself through this experience.

Step 5: Say, “Thank you,” and carry on

As always please share this email with anyone who you think would benefit from it. Do them, or rather yourself, a favor! (See what I did there.)

If you’re interested in working with me personally, check out all the options on my Snipfeed – I’ve added some great consultation sessions.

I’m grateful for you!

Joe Hehn

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